the bar kiss .

I had my very first random guy bar kiss a couple of weekends ago in New Jersey. I’ll pause for applause…

This is a pretty big deal for me because I am never in that situation to even have a random bar kiss. I am not the type of girl that guys approach or that approach them. I am way too nervous to ever go up to a guy and just say “Hi.” I am a pretty confident person but when it comes to men I’m not good at them. You might be able to tell this by the title of this blog, hence the single in the single girls diary.

This guy was cute. He had tattoos, which I’m totally in to. We were playing beer pong and decided to go over to the juke box, okay iTunes music selector thing because this isn’t the 80’s. He starting giving me compliments, too many compliments though. They went a little like this, “I like your eyes, your smile, your hair, your jewelry, your makeup…” It went on like this which was unnerving to me because 1. compliments make me nervous and 2. they were over the top. He was really cute and nice and super fun while we were playing beer pong.

Meanwhile over at the juke box after he was done complimenting me he leaned over and started kissing me. It was nuts! It was a pretty decent kiss but for me I have to be crushing on the guy to really enjoy the kiss.

Well the best part (worst for me but good for the story) is that towards the end of the night after we had kissed a few times I start to see tears streaming down his face. I should tell you he is so drunk and I am so not. I start laughing because like WTF is this guy crying?!!!?! He then proceeds to tell me that I wouldn’t really like him because most women don’t like him once they know things about him. This made me nervous because I don’t like secrets and I hate when guys say that. I was curious so I told him to tell me and boy did he.

He said that most women end up thinking of him as a sexual object and don’t want to really get in to a relationship with him…cue more tear streams. He then told me the one thing that might stop me from kissing another random guy ever…he has 7 kids, yes 7 from 3, THREE baby mamas!! I am still laughing in his face because I don’t believe him at all because he is 28 and I can’t see how the hell he has made that mistake 6 more times. Meanwhile he is still crying by the time I leave.

So peeps, that is the story of my first and possibly my last random kiss because clearly I pick some winners.

Way to go single girl…

the problem with conversations .

THEM…them meaning, the guys! I happen to pride myself on being a great conversationalist. I can ask questions at the wazoo, while still being aware that it doesn’t get annoying. I care to know things about people. As a lucky introvert, I care more about real, meaningful conversations. Along with meaningful and getting to know you convos I love to talk about food. Like seriously LOVE it! Food can bring people together like nothing else can, it’s pure magic!

The problem I find with me starting or carrying on a conversation is actually having to CARRY the conversation. I can never understand how hard it is for the guys to ask questions. Like what is the problem?!!!?? I am a funny, interesting, deep, and to hideous single girl, why can’t you ask me damn question?? I will happily except silly questions like what did you have to eat today? what’s your favorite color? what hobbies do you have? Any of these questions will do and keep me wanting to talk to you. BUT when you ask one, ONE question and then I answer and you ask me nothing back I tend to be at a loss.

Take Bumble, the dating app, for example. It stresses me out, 1. because I have never seen better looking guys on a site. For real ladies it’s ridunculous! I’m sure some of them might be fake profiles but woahhhh baby are they hott… AND 2. the girl has to initiate conversation. It is nerve wracking to have to message these guys. It’s even harder because they all say “please say something funny” or “don’t just ask me about my day.” BUT I am here to tell you, I have tried every different way except a naked selfie which is never EVER going to be an option.

I have sent a GIF of Joey from FRIENDS saying “how you doin”. I’ve made jokes or mentioned something that they put in their little tiny paragraph. Those weren’t really well received. I remember when I sent a joke to every single guy for the day as an experiment and would you like to know how many guys responded to me??? zero, nada, zilch. Like WTF!! The same guys who said be funny, be original didn’t respond to originality. You want to know what they did respond to….”Hi! How was your day?” OR “Hi! How was your weekend?” Those, THOSE, are the words that get responses, it’s shocking. This sort of proves my theory that guys don’t know what they want but they usually don’t want unique and original. BAM!

All I ask is that there is a single guy out there that is handsome (I always feel the need to make that clear to God) that knows how to actually carry on a conversation. Do those men exist?? If you have found them please reply with the places I can find ones like that too. Okay, thanks 🙂

curiosity .

I can never understand why people are so curious about exactly which dating site/app you have met your boy at the moment on. Every single time I have said  “yeah, I’m going on a date with so and so”…they’ll be like “oh, where’d you meet him?” I always respond with “online.” That is apparently not a satisfactory answer, because the next question is ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS, “okay, but where did you meet them, like which site??” I am always so annoyed by this because I am most likely embarrassed to tell you exactly which site/s I am on. Like who wants to say I met them on OKCupid or Tinder?! That’s embarrassing! I might not be wanting a “hook-up” but now you totally think that’s what I’m looking for because of those sites.

Now if you’re a single person and you want to know so you can try it out then I totally understand BUT it’s usually the ones that are married or in relationships that want to know for curiosity sake. Let me just ask you right now to STOPPPPP. Please for the love of God do not make me tell you that I am going out with a guy I met on Tinder or Bumble or Coffee & Bagel or FarmersOnly.com or Plenty of Fish or Christian Mingle.

I also don’t gives two f*cks to tell you that I met them on the more respectable and socially acceptable sites like EHarmony or Match.com. I am having a hard enough time navigating this whole dating world that I don’t need the judgment or just innocent curiosity nosing in my business!

So the next time I or your friend tell you we met a guy/girl online please, PLEASE, pretty please with a cherry on top, just say “YAY!”

Please and thank you!

reasons dating is the actual worst

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Dating is harrrrdddddddd…This single girl has gone on what feels like 345 dates in the last 4 months. Sadly, with not much luck in return. For fun or whatever, I have compiled a list of reasons dating is the actual worst.

  1. you have to talk about yourself.
    • i am not one to tell people everything about myself. I’m a fairly private person and you have to be in the inner circle to know the details about my life. So talking about myself is majorly exhausting.
  2. dressing up.
    • I haven’t bought too many outfits for these bazillion dates and good thing because I would be living in my car at this point. Even if you don’t have to buy clothes you need to make sure you wear the things you feel most comfortable without looking like a slob or a floozy (my matching pjs are what I feel comfortable, cute, and confident in).
  3. shaving.
    • enough said.
  4. it takes a lot of time.
    • when i was going on dates regularly, like 3 times a month (with a new guy I might add..insert eye roll emoji), it took a lot of time away from other things. Time away from friends but even myself. I love having me time – thank you introvert life.
  5. you have to open up.
    • it’s not just about telling the person what you do for a living and hobbies you have but letting them in. I read an article I think on Psychology Today that said on a first date tell a secret to one another. I thought that was a little too far but it’s nice, if you’re in to them of course, to let them in a little. I’m learning how to do this with everyone BTW.
  6. it gets your hopes up.
    • out of 12-13 guys I have been interested in about 3 of them. I mentioned a couple of them before but I have gone out with the most recent guy a couple of times now and he has me all hella confused. We have talked aka texted, every day for the last month or so that we met but the last couple of days have been super weird! I am super annoyed actually and feel myself closing up because I need to protect myself.
    • since I have been interested in this guy I thought maybe it could go somewhere…like a 3rd date, but who knows. I am nervous that I’m wasting my time but am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt…whatever. I’m annoyed…can you tell?
  7. makes you lose a little hope each time for humanity.
    • okay so I realize this might be a tad dramatic, but with each guy I have gone out with I lose a little hope that there is a fascinating, kind, honest male out there. I do know some amazing men, they are all taken, good for them and their spouse…sucks for the rest of us.
  8. waiting.
    • dating is a waiting game. It’s not that the girl has no say or can’t ask him out because she totally can because we’re in the year 2017 dammit! But it’s waiting to figure out does he actually like me? Do I like him? When are we going out again? Does he think I’m pretty? What is he thinking? Where the f*ck is this going? UGH the exhaustion. I’m getting a little anxious typing this because it’s also what I’m currently thinking and feeling.

I know there are a TON more reasons why dating is the actual worst, I just can’t think of any at the moment. Leave your reason dating is the worst in the comments! I would LOVE to hear them 🙂

Single anxious girl signing off…

let’s focus .

I came across a promoted post on Facebook today because several of my friends had liked it. I read it and it actually angered me. I am not sure if I would have read this 5 years ago if I would have felt the same way I do now, but today, I’m annoyed.

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Now let me be clear, this is not the worst thing I have ever read or even the worst thing I saw on Facebook today BUT it got a reaction out of me. You know my whole post yesterday about focusing on bettering myself for myself here, well the ways this book goes against a lot of that. I am not saying that you should never pray for your future spouse but when that becomes your focus it’s wrong!

I have mentioned before that I am a Christian and will not marry someone who isn’t a Christian. I am also a single Christian woman who could get married next year, in 5 years, or never. It’s not just up to me, the big guy upstairs has a huge say in this stuff which is not always the way I like it, buuuuttttttt, that’s how it goes.

So she starts off with calling out your relationship status. We can no longer be individuals but are defined by our relationship status or really lack thereof. She says, “It’s important to continually prepare yourself for your future spouse.” AHHHHHH, can you tell I HATE that yet?! Then it gets worse with her saying this is to “help young girls and women focus their hearts on what is important and prepare themselves for their future husband while praying for him!”

WTF?! This is what is important?! And I prepare myself for a future spouse by praying for him?!

This is really sad. I have worked with young girls for many years in the past and never once had I ever recommended praying for their future spouse. You want to know why?! It’s because that is not the focus of our lives!!!! The important part in being a Christian is focusing our attention on Christ and preparing ourselves for HIM, not a husband.

I have learned the really really hard way that focusing on the future usually  almost always, sets us up for failure. When I focused on my future and what I expected for that, guess what, I have never gotten what I thought I would. My life does not look like what I ever thought it would at 29 years old. This doesn’t mean that my life is bad or wrong and it doesn’t mean I can’t be hopeful for the future, but MY future here on earth is not supposed to be my focus. My future husband, house, kids, career, etc, should not be my focus. Christ should be my focus, and let me tell you, that is enough hard work in itself.

I am so angered by the Christian community, not all, buy many unfortunately, because they make the goal of young men and woman to find a spouse, get married, have sex and kids, as the central focus. Older women pray specifically that girls who aren’t married, find someone. What if we don’t find someone?? Does that mean your prayer for my life hasn’t been answered? What if my life with a husband is not what God has designed for me? Now, I hope that is not the case but if finding a husband was/is my central focus then I have failed myself. I have failed because it hasn’t happened. We all feel like failures with so many other things, why add this to our list.

Let’s focus, as individuals, to grow ourselves to be more loving, caring, passionate, a better friend, and literally every other way we can improve, than focus on finding “the one.” Let’s  focus on praying for our family, friends, community, and country, because God knows it needs a ton of it.

Now who’s with me?

when to surrender .

This has just been a little bit of annoying week for me. Nothing detrimental but just a lot of work to do, money shit, and I have a major pulled muscle in my neck and shoulder. I wish I could say I pulled this muscle while exercising, which I so desperately need to do, but sadly it’s just from sleeping wonky I guess. It’s really annoying and I’m over it all. I can’t really give any of that up though and surrender because I have to work because I am not a secretly wealthy kind of person. Wouldn’t that be amazing though?! To know that you just had all this back up money so that you could spend your time doing things you were super passionate about?! ahhh dreams 🙂

Have any of you ever seen Sex and the City? It’s one of my all time favorite shows…maybe that’s what I’ll do tonight…Anyways, Miranda says at one point (don’t remember season or episode) that she is taking a break from sex. Then she admits that it’s not really of her choosing. No one is offering so she’s just not having sex. That is like how I feel with dating right now. It is really hard finding someone that I actually want to have more than 2 messages with, no less go on an actually date with them. In the beginning it was all fun and games going out with anyone that asked and I was remotely interested in….now I can’t find anyone! I am not exaggerating either. I am still on Bumble, POF (although 3 month membership is up this weekend, Christian Mingle (I wish that was up!), and recently thought why the hell not, I’ll try Match. That has not been successful AT ALL!!!

I am thinking that this is just not the right time for me. I have decided through this season of singleness (bleh I hate when people use that but I’m single so I can say cliché shit), I am going to work on improving myself. This doesn’t mean I am trying to become perfect for someone else or myself but that I want to become the best version of me, the single girl!

I am not doing this in the hopes that while I am working on myself that I will magically be matched with the perfect mate. Sure, if that happens great, but this is for me! I would hope that the person I am supposed to be with would be doing the same to make him, his best self for his own benefit. I think I mentioned this before but after my last relationship ended I didn’t recognize myself. I refuse to do that again in a future relationship! I hope you feel the same way.

So I am taking a little dating break. If I get asked out from someone I’m in to then I’ll be happy to go but if I just think they’re cute then I’m probably going to decline or not let it get to the point where they ask. I want to meet someone who I can laugh with, be friends with, and just be me with. Who’s with me?!

the single life .

Do you ever think, I’m gonna be alone forever?? Yeah, me too. It’s a scary thought. Clearly we are not actually alone because we have people that love us, blah blah blah. BUT being loved and with someone that you are romantically involved with is obviously different than a friend. Of course there is also all the stressful thinking and the whole wanting to vomit, freak out feeling of being in a relationship…especially a new one.

So yeah, sometimes I do think, okay, maybe I’m going to die alone. Like maybe I won’t ever be married or in love again. That is a scary thought for me because I won’t those things but it’s also nice not to have to worry about all the aforementioned sick feelings and such. So this is why this post will actually be about the benefits of being single!!!

  • You don’t have to cook.
    • I enjoy cooking most of the time but I am exhausted when i get home from work and couldn’t imagine having to cook for a husband and/or family. Because I’m single I don’t have to feel the pressure of feeling like a better/good/nice wife.
  • You don’t have to ask permission.
    • When I want to go on a trip or want to go out for a night I don’t have to check with someone else to see if “we” have plans or something. I can do what I want when I want.
  • You don’t have to shower if you don’t feel like it.
    • Now I am not saying that being married means you have to shower 24/7 but for someone that already showers regularly, if I want to spend days inside and not shower I can. I am not going to be canoodling or whatever with someone. Only I will have to put up with my stank.
  • You can buy what you want.
    • Just like I can do what I want when I want, I can also buy what I want, when I want it…budget permitting.
  • Girly decor.
    • Because I don’t live with a man I get to choose all of the things that I want in my house. It all belongs just to me.
  • Free time.
    • I have the ability to use my time however I like.
  • Figuring out who I am.
    • Because I am single at an “older” age, I have the privilege (or curse it feels like at times) to figure out who I am before I enter a marriage.
  • Confidence.
    • I think there is a different confidence that comes with a woman that has lived alone and supports themselves. It’s a different type of independence.

I am sure there are a million other benefits of being single and I will probably think of them after I post this but oh well. There is also another side of these benefits that also feel like downsides. I am not saying that one is better than the other, I’m just trying to figure out how to create a life where I am doing single well. It’s a struggle and I am continually learning.

If you have any other benefits comment below! 🙂