what the guys online are like.

I am still struggling through this crazy thing called online dating. It is all really confusing and my mood fluctuates daily with how I’m feeling keeping up with all of it. One of the most annoying things is realizing what the majority of guys are like…at least online. It is shocking to me how so many of them are incapable of spelling and using the correct form of your/’re. That right there is one of the BIGGEST turn-offs EVER!!!

Another thing is that guys can be really bold online or really not. I almost never find the Mr. Just Right guy. Too many of the messages I get are flattering I guess, but you know when someone that grosses you out compliments you, you don’t really care…well that’s how I feel. Most of these guys are ones that I would never want to talk to. I don’t respond to the majority of them because I don’t see the point.

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you all might think “aw” but to me this is way too strong and gross. Like dude, you don’t know me.ย 

The ones that don’t flatter you just ask you odd questions…I have been asked this one twice just different variations.

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I want to respond…uh, of course I talk to black guys…I’m just 100% not in to you.

Then there are the ones that are trying to flatter you but are having a really hard time.

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notice the curves and “thies” or thighs how most people spell it…1. i don’t have thick thigh 2. not a compliment. PS. his picture was him naked with a guitar covering his members.ย 

 

Honestly at least this guy used the correct form of you’re, he was just missing the ‘. Below are just a few of the ones that come from any and all of the sites I frequent. One poor guy was trying to talk about the Holy Spirit but he just didn’t know how to spell “holy.”

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he actually spelled it like this more than these 2 times. I realized he genuinely thought that’s how you spell holy.ย 

This last one I like to call Single White Male. He came across really creepy and his picture was not not creepy. He also included his number at the bottom but I cut it out for his privacy and maybe your safety ๐Ÿ™‚

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I really do not like calling or texting someone for the first message. You would be shocked to see how many guys just give their numbers out in the first message.

As you can tell I am still dating and wondering what’s going to happen next. I went on a date Saturday and he was nice but I wasn’t in to him. I also was a little unsure if he was gay or not but definitely not…that’s another story for another day.

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now what .

I started this blog as a way to take the pressure of finding “the one” off of myself. I was feeling really good in the beginning. I went on a lot of dates with a lot of different guys and even had the chance to make out with one of them which was great because I didn’t want my ex to be the last person I had kissed.

Now things have calmed down a bit partly because of me being tired because the process of dating is f*cking exhausting and the other being no one is catching my attention. I feel a bit discouraged and am still struggling with the whole balance thing I mentioned in my last post about not wanting to keep doing this and the whole not wanting to be alone forever thing. Yes, those are complete opposite ends of the spectrum and I am finding out more and more how I approach a lot of things with an all or nothing approach. I realize I have done this even with dating. I went all in at the beginning and went out with about 11 different guys (felt like 1,000!). I liked talking to a bunch of guys and wanted to meet a lot of people. Now, I am not really talking to hardly anyone and feel like I’m failing at life. This is a small part of my life but feels big in the grand scheme of things that I want for it like love, marriage, and family.

I’m just not sure what to do now. I know that I am not actually failing at life but I do feel behind the curve of what my social scene (the church) has deemed as the norm. I think that is part of what is keeping me away from it recently. There are a shitload of other personal reasons but this is part of it. You don’t want to hang around people that you feel less than do you? Well me either and sometimes that’s just how I feel. Now none of these people have actually set rules on when/how to get married, have kids, work or whatever but it’s there in the way they live their lives. All of these moments usually happen before the age of 28/29. Isn’t that crazy?! Like WTF?! Hello, I’m 29 and literally ZERO things on the “list” have happened nevertheless been crossed off.

So now what?? I’m not sure, I’m trying to figure this out as I go along. I want to find some balance that I am comfortable with and feel good about. I want to get back to my “this is all so fun!” stage but I’m not sure how long that will last or can the next time either.

BUT tonight, I’m sitting my ass on my couch and watching tv and having a night all to myself ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy Friday!

 

the freaking freak out.

You know the moment after a date you felt like went really well when you start to wonder if it actually went as good as you thought? Yeah, me too. I would like to think I’m pretty good at dates, they are similar to an interview, and I think I tend to make a damn good first impression. The trick is simple, know how to carry on a conversation.

So I mentioned in my last post that I was going on with a guy that I was actually interested this time around. This hasn’t happened often in my dating scene thus far sadly. Well I met up with him and we had a really nice time. I know it wasn’t just me that enjoyed it, it was definitely him too. We ordered more drinks and food that kept us there longer. Oh and the real tell was that he asked me out again, woohoo, right? NOT!! Well he did actually ask me out again, twice I would like to add. And then I texted him when I got home and told him again that I had fun and I was looking forward to seeing him again. He said the same to me!!! Yay! Yeah I was excited. I was thinking, this is great, all this dating is paying off with a second date with a guy I’m actually interested to get to know even better.

So now it has been one week and 2 days later and he has not planned a second date. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?! Also it’s freaking Labor Day weekend, prime time to have time to go out and not worry about work right away. We have talked most days with a few quick texts and he has been his usual self. He is apparently having a really shitty week at work so I understand him not wanting to chat his ass off and go out on a weeknight. Like dude, I love being by myself too but when I’m into someone I’d like to, I don’t know, actually see them again!

I am clearly super annoyed and yes, if I’m honest a little hurt and disappointed which I don’t like to own up to. I disobeyed my own “rules” and decided to only talk to him during that time because I was wanting to see where it could lead. Apparently it has led to me still at home during the weekends.

This last week I have been a nut about my thoughts and feelings. I always go to the “me” side of it first. Like, what did I do?, he must not be actually semi in to me, I’m going to be alone maybe not forever but a long ass time….these of course are all the thoughts that sink in and fester inside my head and make me doubt my awesomeness. I have been having extreme freak outs over this guy not asking me out again. The other night I came home and was so pissy and was laying on the couch almost in tears because I didn’t understand it. I was freaking out so much that I thought about giving up on dating all together because I genuinely hate feeling the confusion, hurt, anger, and insecurities that come along with it. I’m still debating this but it does come down to the whole, ” I don’t want to be alone forever” thing.

I am going to go ahead and assume I am not the only one who comes down with sheer panic after going out with someone that you like. I would obviously like to hear from him again but I am not going to hold my breath. I am just honestly a little exhausted from dating but I want to date someone. Anyone have any advice for those people that want to find someone but also want to stay at home and never leave?

the walk in.

You want to know one of the scariest parts about online dating? The walk in.

You might or might not know what I’m talking about. If not let me tell you about it.

So you spend a couple of days or maybe even weeks talking to a guy or girl (whatever the preference). You both seem interested so one of you asks the other to finally meet up in person, YAY! This happiness has a couple things behind it. There’s the “awesome, I am interested in this person so I want to see if there’s chemistry”, “holy shit, now I actually have to meet this person”, “what the hell am I going to wear”…you get my point. The last one is mostly for girls because it takes real work to get ready for a date. I’ll explain more fully in another fun post.

So you have accepted this invitation to drinks, dinner, bowling, rock climbing, whatever it is. You drive there and you might be nervous and you might not be. I have been nervous for some but not for others. It has depended on how tired I am and how many dates I’ve been on recently.

You’re in the parking lot and now you have to actually get out of the car. I always hope that they are not around or watching me get out of the car. Because, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a real woman and not a supermodel, so I don’t have like these ripped abs and look hot as hell even getting out of the car or sitting down. I look like a normal human, so it’s not always an attractive sight to watch someone get out of the car and readjust yourself and fidget with your outfit, make sure you are sucking in, and boobs are in place. Is this just me?? I hope not!

So now you are walking up to the place that you’re meeting and in my cases the guys are usually inside sitting down somewhere. It’s the most nerve wracking thing in my opinion to walk in and not know where to look or where exactly they are sitting and you have to walk in like you’re a supermodel even though you’re not. You know what I’m talking about…picture this, because we’ve seen it in movies…a woman opens the doors to the bar and the light behind her is just right and maybe the wind brushes her hair to the side and flips her skirt just a little to look sexy, her legs look hot AF and she’s able to gracefully saunter over to the table without looking like sheย can’t find the stranger she is meeting up with. end scene.

Most of us normal people, struggle to get out of the car gracefully, open the door to the bar and hair flies in the face and ends up sticking to your lip gloss, you might trip walking over the door step, and you now have to stand at the doorway and look around a little bit because you can’t see because you’ve just come in from the outside sun so everything looks dark and he could literally be standing beside you but you can’t see him. Also you may not remember exactly what he looks like at that moment because sometimes nerves get the better of you..whew. end scene.

I would love for the first scenario to be the most common but it’s usually the second one, let’s pray also for the supermodels that I am clearly putting on a pedestal.

The walk in is scary as hell! In my head I’m always thinking, “ok, stomach in, boobs out, hair controlled, partial smile because you want your eyes to sparkle and not look like you have RBF (aka resting bitch face).” It feels awkward that someone is watching you walk up and is really making an initial judgement on your appearance. This makes sense obviously because I would be doing the same exact thing. It’s just that it always feels like I am the one doing the walk in.

I just think in general the first time you are meeting someone in person that you’ve been talking to online is always awkward. You are meeting someone that you have already told maybe personal things about yourself and then when you meet them you realize, wait, I don’t actually know you. It’s all a bunch of confusion.

I am supposed to have another date, which will lead to an awkward walk in I am sure, tomorrow night. I’m hoping it goes well.

Dating is exhausting ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

why CM is the worst.

CM = christian mingle. I hate their name and am almost always embarrassed to say it. The good thing is I used to feel like it was like EHarmony and Match had a baby. It was for Christians who want to find someone but maybe aren’t looking for the seriousness of EHarmony but wanted to find a christian person which is hard to do on Match. I can say that because I have tried both in the past and even met my ex on EHarmony. I might try Match in a month or so once my CM membership runs out. Let me tell you I’m excited for that day.

I have gone on 3 dates with guys I met on there, they are described in this postย 3.3.3. Those dates all happened very quickly and after only like a couple of weeks on there. Now, after a month or two, CM has become the worst! For example, I came across a picture of a guy today that looked like his mug shot after being in a knife fight. Seriously, I might have nightmares over it! Second example, when I look for guys that are near me, guess what comes up?…nothing!!! There is almost no one on there. Maybe their marketing campaigns are dying slowly because they cannot have a lot of traffic. I live in a large city, there should be a lot of guys on there! I don’t even care if they aren’t my type but I should see more than just the same 10 guys after 2 months. Well, to be fair knife fight guy is a new addition.

I am just over it, there are not good quality Christian guys on there. I have 50 year old men messaging me. I am just trying to meet a guy who is funny, fun, a Christian, and has his shit together. Oh also…is cute ๐Ÿ™‚ Is that too much to ask??? I’m starting to think so…

keep up hope single gals – he’s out there (& all the other shit that people say)!

the problem with the nice guy.

Peeps…I’m in trouble, I realized this last night. I went out with the first guy I mentioned in one of my last posts. We had already been out for drinks and had a nice time. We have been texting over the last couple of weeks before we could meet up again and it’s been nice. Here’s the problem, the only word I have to describe him is nice. I didn’t really notice this until last night while we were at dinner.

We both had been on vacations since seeing each other the first time so we were talking about our vacations with one another. I am a pretty private person (then why the hell do I have a blog – but that’s why it’s anonymous). My super close friends know this about me. I don’t tend to divulge a lot of info about myself. So talking about my trip even on a date I noticed was really hard for me to do. It was hard because I was with family on this trip and had a really great time. We hiked, ate good food, explored cute little towns, but I was with family. I loved this trip, but it was also personal for me because family is personal. So the things I loved most about the trip was spending time with my cousin and getting to know family members that I was meeting for the first time. Those things felt too personal for me to tell. I know this guy would have listened and would have been very nice about it but because I wasn’t feeling a connection I decided I couldn’t tell him. Maybe that sounds weird to you, but that’s just who I am.

On the other hand he told me every detail of the trip. Like literally when he got off the plane he went here and did this with friends and then went to their house and hung out with other people, went to dinner, and then a sports event. This was just the first day, there were 7 more to go. Now it wasn’t terrible listening to it, it just made for not an exciting conversation.

This is how I would describe him if I didn’t use the word nice, he’s the amusement park, chain restaurant type person. Maybe some of you are in to those things and sure amusement parks can be fun but that is not how I’m choosing to spend my vacation time off work. I am the local coffee shop/restaurant, travel the world girl. These two people are very different. You might be thinking, “single girl, you are being picky, hello opposites attract.” I would agree with you, I have seen many relationships of complete opposite personalities but they go together so well. They compliment each other in an awesome way. But these couples also have dreams like travel and adventure that are similar. I want that too and there’s nothing wrong with that.

By no means do I think I’m better than him but I have a spunky personality and dish out sarcasm and can laugh at myself. Hell, I am a damn good catch ๐Ÿ˜‰ And I’m sure he is too, it’s just that he deserves more than for a girl he likes to just refer to him as nice. Nice gets old, it becomes boring. That’s sadly how our conversation was last night. We had a good meal but not a good conversation. He is still interested and I am more interested on being his friend. Now I have to find a way to be honest with him UGH! No one warns you about the “turn down” when you start the dating game.

good luck out there ๐Ÿ™‚

the only one.

So this is going to sound completely unfair but this is my blog so I can say whatever I want really.

I want to be the only girl these other guys are talking to. I know this sounds ridiculous because I have been talking to multiple guys (now only 2). Even before when I was actually talking to no joke 5-6 guys at a time, I still wanted to be the only girl they were talking to. I get it, it’s not fair but it’s honest.

I didn’t want to feel like I was in a competition. 1. because I’m not crazy competitive and 2. I don’t think I would win. I do not say the last part for you to think, “Oh single girl, you seem amazing, don’t be hard on yourself, you could win!” I appreciate the thought but it’s not because I don’t happen to think I’m awesome, because I actually think I’m super great and deserving of someone freaking amazing!! OK, so the reason why I wouldn’t win is because I’m not slutty. I’m not saying you need to have sex with someone to “win” the dating competition but it might help. I’m just not gonna be that girl. I’m the cute nerdy, funny, and genuine person. That sounds great right?! I know!

These types of girls like me and I’m sure a lot of you don’t easily win the guy. There are so many other distractions. We won’t win this guy over until they are ready to settle down usually. This is nice new of course but I know guys in their late 30’s that are still not wanting to take the nice girl to a function, they want to take the hot girl who looks perfect and fits the image of a woman in their heads. These are not the type of “men” us genuine nice girls want anyways. We will never measure up. The good news is, it’s not us, it’s them.

So this is why I want to be the only girl they are talking to. It’s a lot of pressure for a girl. Even though I am talking to 2 guys at the same time (hello, we are not exclusive) I do not have them entered in “win the heart of the single girl competition.” I am wanting to get to know both of them better because I don’t know enough about them and them with me. I am hoping it will be easy if or when something just clicks with one of them over the other.

I guess we will all have to continue to see what happens ๐Ÿ™‚

p.s. both guys come back into town this week so I will hopefully have some updates for you soon! I know my large fan base are dying to know!